Hope Is In Short Supply These Days

Cynthia (our ABA therapist/saint) and I decided that it was time for her to help me get  Diego to change out of his uniform after school.  I can’t seem to get him to allow me to do it (or anything..really), let alone ask him to do it himself.  It isn’t a matter of his ability to physically perform the action of dressing, it is a matter of overcoming his anxiety.  The anxiety (esp since school has started) makes him incredibly rigid, which then turns into a huge protest and then a self-injurious melt down.  When Cynthia arrived yesterday I warned her about what she was in for and asked when I should intervene. 

I trust her, she has helped us so much and has a heart of gold. 

She said that if she needed me that she would peek out and grab me, I told her not to worry that I would be right by the door. 

D was already protesting as they walked over to his bedroom, I knew this was going to be major.

I went and sat on the couch, D’s bedroom is right by the living room so I could hear everything. 

Which was both a good and bad thing.

D immediately started screaming and crying “NO I CAN”T GET DRESSED!!!!”

Cynthia calmly told him that he could do it, she tried to use her reinforcers, and tried to negotiate.

The situation just got worse….much worse 

Diego then began screaming “Mommy help me please!!. My mommy always helps me!!!!!!!!!!.”

It took every ounce of strength I had not to run in there.

 He needs to overcome this rigidity that keeps him from doing so much and nothing I am doing is working.

I HAVE to let Cynthia try. 

The screaming continued, he started to hyperventilate…I could hear every breath, every hiccup, every yelp.  Then he began to hit himself and kick the walls.  I could hear Cynthia’s calm voice telling him that it was ok, and that she was there to help him.  That once he was just a little bit calmer, she would call me in to help him.

This same pattern of behavior went on for about ten minutes while I sat crying on my couch.

I have never felt as helpless as I have for the past two months.  This same type of melt down happens multiple times everyday.  What I find amazing is how he verbalizes how he his feeling during these times. 

He will scream and cry “I want to calm down but my brain won’t listen, my body hates me that’s why it hurts me, I am trying very hard not hit you mommy!!!”  His body is tense, face splotchy and red, and he is typically on the brink of hyperventilating.

and I can’t do a f*cking thing to help.

Not

one

thing

Cynthia finally peeked out and I ran into his room, he was drenched in sweat and hysterical.  I scooped him up in my arms, hugged and rocked  him.  We laid in his bed and I rubbed his head, repeating over and over  “it’s ok, mommy is here to help you”.  I also told him that Cynthia and Stella want to help him too. 

After about 5 minutes his breathing was a bit more regular and the crying had subsided.  I gave it another 5 minutes before revisiting the task of undressing.  I told him that if he can just take ONE sock off that I will do the rest.  He protested in the beginning, but I told him that we could do it together.  He eventually took the sock off, and I praised him like he won an Oscar,and  I meant it.  Because for me….Diego removing one sock, FEELS like he won an Oscar.

Things finally calmed down and at this point Stella the ABA supervisor had arrived .  Cynthia  filled her in on what happened and we all agreed that the rest of the session would have to demand less from Diego.  Stella began to play Dinosaurs with D and Cynthia and I went to talk in the kitchen.  She gave me the run down of what happened in the bedroom and there were  tears in her eyes as she said “It is so hard to watch him like that.  You can tell he is trying so hard to get it together.” 

So of course this opened the flood gates for me, I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

The rest of the session went on without any more major meltdowns. 

Stella came up with a new plan to reduce the demand and use the token/reward system for EVERYTHING he does. 

I listened and I will do it all,  but honestly I am not incredibly hopeful.

Hope is in very short supply these days.

I always try to be so PC about autism, but you know what?

I hate autism, I absolutely despise it.

Hello Old “Friend”

I have spent the last few weeks navigating the behavioral equivalent of a mine field, never knowing if the next move I make will start D’s ‘rumbling’, which is the pre cursor to the complete meltdowns he has been experiencing too many times a day to count.

We are three weeks in to a med change and holy shit has it been a nightmare.  When D started the Risperdal I was concerned about weight gain, but thought to give it a try because things with his behavior had become nearly unmanageable.  It worked, but D was eating non-stop.  I tried to power through it by giving him low-fat and healthy snacks but after a ten pound weight gain in two months I asked our neuro to switch it.   We also took D off of the Tenex as we couldn’t increase the dose because it made him too emotional (see random frequent bouts of crying) and the dose he was on was barley helping his focus.  We titrated the Risperdal and Tenex down and then the new med, Abilify, up slowly.

So it has been a long 3-4 weeks, I wrote that already..didn’t I?

The past few weeks have left my poor brain addled and my body using whatever quiet time it has to sleep and rest.  Aside from the mindless Tumblr browsing and posting, not much has been happening that requires too much thought.  The daily problem solving has taken some if not all available brain power.  Any autism parent reading this knows what I mean about the problem solving or ‘redirecting’ as the therapists like to call it.  It is an exhausting  feat when your child is having an autism low on the roller coaster ride.  Although I did manage to force myself out for the 4th of July and had a good time. 

There is a silver lining in that this past week D’s  tantrums  have decreased a bit and the behavioral interventionist came in.  She is very nice, but I swear that if one more of them asks me why D is getting ABA now, I might bite her/his head off.  I get it, he is 6 and should have started years ago.  Ask the bastards at The Regional Center why it took so damn  long.  I promise that if I had the money and could have paid out of pocket for it, that it would have been done 18 months ago when I knew Diego had autism. 

*sigh*

Sorry, I am sure they are just doing their jobs…but it is frustrating. 

On another note, I had almost made it past the “what did I do to cause D’s autism?” stage and then this hit:

Antidepressant use in pregnancy may raise autism risk 

I took Zoloft from week 11 until I gave birth to Diego.  When I asked about the safety of taking this med while pregnant, I was told that in the many years it has been used that no adverse reaction to the baby was documented.  I was told that the unborn children of depressed mothers had low birth weight and other complications. 

With my history of pre-term delivery I figured I should take the Zoloft since it seemed that “the benefit outweighed the risk.”

In my second trimester the doctor increased the dose.

I had recently been diagnosed with SVT and put on modified bed-rest, then at 24 weeks strict bed-rest for pre-term labor.

Strict bed-rest  consisted of going from my bed to the couch, if I didn’t do this they threatened to keep me in the hospital for the rest of my pregnancy.  Anyone who has been in the hospital for more than a week knows that would be hell on earth.   So the Zoloft seemed like a god send.  It erased most of my crying spells caused by being confined to my home 24/7 , relieved some of my anxiety about the possibility of an early delivery, and eased my stress about the disastrous relationship I was in. 

Now reading that article I feel selfish. 

I feel like I should have just powered through those things, as least while I was pregnant, without taking the Zoloft.

Then pop all the pills I needed to after he was born.

Maybe if I did it that way, Diego wouldn’t have autism.

Maybe if I had done it that way he wouldn’t have to struggle everyday like he does now.  Here lately screaming in frustration “I can’t take this anymore” or “Why won’t my brain listen to me!”

For the past four weeks I have been at a loss on how to help him. All I can offer when he screams like that is a hug and and “it’s gonna be ok”.

But will it? 😦 

My heart breaks for him.

So whether or not the study is as concrete as I would like it to be, it only takes a little science to rattle me….apparently.

Like an old familiar enemy, Guilt creeps up again.

I kinda don’t need that right now…

Please Read Line #4

 

The kids in D's class were asked what they would do with 100 things. This is a snapshot of D's list

We are in the lobby waiting for our OT and three boys about D’s age are playing with the waiting room toys.  I watch Diego watch them, I know he wants to play with them.  I whisper to him “baby go ask them if you can play with them.” 

He starts to rubs my ears, he is nervous. 

“Baby it is ok, go on.”

I long to hear him say this to any child, but just like all of the other times he looks at me and says “I can’t.” 

He is past nervous now, he is paralyzed with fear at the prospect of approaching these kids.   

His anxiety is palpable. 

I am trying to think of ways to facilitate this interaction. I offer to walk with him over, he says no. 

He crawls in my lap, pulls my head to his face and whispers

“I’m scared.”

My heart is broken for the umpteenth time.

You can say a lot about our kids, but please don’t tell us that they are not interested in having friends.  As line #4 states if Diego had 100 friends, he would play with them.  

Our kids WANT to be social.

When ‘They’ Just Don’t Get It and When ‘They’ Randomly Do.

This Thanksgiving will be spent with just our immediate family….those who live in our house, my sister and a couple of friends.  This is my first Thanksgiving like this and unfortunately has been surrounded by way too much drama.  For fear of making a bad situation worse, I won’t blog about the details.  Just know it really sucks when one of  the people closest  to you is so wrapped up in themselves and won’t get ‘it’.

The ‘it’ being referred to is autism.

The situation is heartbreaking.

But I am doing my best to throw on my happy face and resist the temptation to fix it. 

It just  isn’t my place to fix this situation…

Which is so difficult because I am a fixer to the core.

On top of family drama, I have to ‘share’ D with his dad this Thanksgiving  and if you have been reading my blog for a minute you know that situation can be pretty trying.

In the midst of all of this I am trying to breathe, not lose my holiday spirit, or my mind.

It will be ok.

It has to be.

Some great news!

Dino Dan’s real life came across my blog about Dino Dan (random right??) and Diego’s love affair with the show.  She told the real life Dan (Jason Spevack) about Diego and  ‘Dan’ is going to send D a letter and a picture. 

D may just completely lose his mind :). 

Poor woman she probably thought I was a looney tune when she read my reply…lol….I couldn’t stop thanking her.

I will be sure to have the camera ready when he opens his letter.

I had a parent-teacher conference with Diego’s teacher yesterday, he needs to work on all of the things I am already pretty aware of, fine motor, self-regulation, social skills, personal space, etc….bottom line here though is that Diego’s teacher is amazing.  She gets ‘it’ and I was very concerned that she wouldn’t based on our first meeting.  I am happy that I was wrong….very wrong. She told me that our daily emails that brainstorming ways to help Diego be successful in Kindergarten really help her.   After speaking with her yesterday it really seems like she has taken a personal involvement in helping Diego, thus enabling me to breathe when he is with her during the day.  I am so happy that we got this opportunity to ease Diego into an academic environment.  I think that when Diego goes to public school next year, that I will decide to have him repeat Kindergarten.  He will need it especially when you think about the fact that it will be a new school with new kids, and completely different from the place he is at now.   

Agh…decisions…decisions

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order. ~Jung~

“Doesn’t she understand that I cannot make her potato stop shaking?!?”

This was recently said by a resident that I work with about an autistic patient that was being seen in our clinic accompanied by his mother. 

My heart broke, stomach nauseous, and my body boiled from the anger. 

I cried when I got home. 

He walked away before I could respond and right now I find myself looking for the appropriate words to address his ignorance. 

Because I have to.

I am so angry and hurt about his horribly unprofessional and cruel comment.  In my experience with him, he has always been very professional, so it really came as a surprise.  I understand that as a training hospital we are to teach these residents how to do everything from managing time to compassion.  I am just not sure that anything I say right now will be effective , it will only be fueled by anger. 

We saw the neurologist on Weds and she changed D to Risperdal.  I knew she would, and had prepared myself accordingly.  We discussed D’s MRI and there are still a lot of variables.  One of which is that it is showing a dilated peri vascular space which is further impairing D’s visual motor/spatial skills, that was about all that she would speculate.  She is going to take it to a case conference with a pediatric Neuro Radiologist, and see what he says.  If the Neuro Radiologist thinks it is more than a dilated peri vascular space then we will have to obtain an MR Angio to look at the blood vessels in Diego’s brain.  She said that it is nothing acute so that is good, but so many questions and possibilities still linger…not good for my anxiety level at all.  I am going to wait until after the wedding next Saturday to start the Risperdal, as the last I need the day of my wedding is an even more disregulated Diego.  My sister, who is phenomenal with him, is assigned to him the day of the wedding.  I am so lucky that she ‘gets’ him 🙂

The regional center could no longer screen me out and I have an orientation appointment for Nov 18th, after which will be the eval.  The case manager at the Regional Center has made it quite clear that if the assessment shows Asperger’s we are screwed.  Forcing me to play ‘the game’ (which I will not explain, but some you know what it is)…and that  is fine.  I think it is ridiculous, but hell, it is what it is. 

We did have a breakthrough in what has been a cloud of disregulation and chaos.

getting ready for bed

D: “Mom, I need a snack.”

Mom: “But D, you just had one aren’t you full…”

D: “Nooooo my tummy doesn’t want it, my mouth does.  It wants to chew.”

Hello sensory need, and he recognized it!!

D has quite a fixation with bubblegum and it really seems to regulate him. 

So I gave him a piece of gum to chew for 15 minutes and he was good!! 

YAY!!!

When things like this happen, I feel less like a hamster spinning my wheel and more like we are getting somewhere.  It was such a great feeling,  and I can only hope that as time passes the episodes become more frequent.

It’s “official” I am not crazy….

Well I still  probably have some crazy tendencies 🙂 ….but no one can tell me that I have ANY delusions when it comes to what is affecting my son.

We saw the neuropsych yesterday.

The neuropsych that told me, a year ago, that she really didn’t think that D was on the spectrum.

The neuropsych who, about a month ago, finally LISTENED to what I had to say and READ what I brought from our care team.

Her assessment was different this time, more attentive and very thorough.

 We waited about 30 minutes  for her to compile all of her numbers into a computer program,once this was complete she looked at me and said, “well this shows what you knew before I did…Diego has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

She said that the discrepancy between his academic functioning and his social/emotional functioning was huge, and that she can’t believe that she missed it.  The ADOS picked it up and it also helped that his teacher accurately filled out her form.  As we discussed various things I found that the  neuropsych backtracked quite a bit, and I kind of felt bad for her. 

Kind of.

She told me that I was getting Diego a majority of the services that he needed and that there wasn’t much that she could reccomend.  She also said that I should “pat myself on the back”  because I kept pushing for therapies despite the lack of a neuropsych diagnosis and that she was “very happy” that I followed up with her.  She also mentioned that watching Diego’s brain work really fascinated her. 

So here we are.

We finally have a diagnosis from a neuropsych.

I really didn’t think it would affect me much and I am surprised at how much it has.  I think that since I didn’t have the official diagnosis from standarized testing that it allowed me to have this silly little window of doubt. 

You know, that maybe (at 3am when I was up thinking about things) Diego wasn’t really on the spectrum. I knew he was, but denial can run deep and hide in tiny crevices. 

So a bit of a reality check finds me sad today.

On the positive side of this , the neuropsych eval will help me get D autism services in the public school system next year and the Regional Center will not be able to screen us out.  D also has his MRI next Tuesday to rule out Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, they are putting him under general anesthesia, and I’m pretty nervous about that. 

As far as school goes, Diego is doing a little bit better, although at his OT appointment on Tuesday his OT said she ahs never seen him so out of sorts. She gave me some ideas for home and I will find out if they work in the coming weeks.  He was out of school on Tuesday and Wednesday for his various appointments, so tonight should be interesting. 

It has been one hell of a week and just when I think there is a “break” on the horizon, there isn’t.  I’m not sure there will ever be, some days may be easier than others, but this is my “normal”…..and all I can do is work on accepting it 🙂

*pic credit http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/137740/crazy-turtle-cartoon-comic.gif *

Changes

First Day of Kindergarten. We will tackle a haircut next week 🙂

I would have loved to start this entry saying that Kindergarten has been a smooth transitioning process, but I can’t.  It has been easier than if Diego had started at the public school as we had originally planned, and his current teacher thinks he is doing great.

But at home?? 

Not so much.

In typical Aspie form, my amazing little boy  keeps it together the best he can at school and leaves the “best” behavior for home.

The  combination of  Kindergarten, 30 minute vs 2 hour naps in a child who maybe falls asleep by 11 then wakes at 6am, and some side effects of the Tenex, have left Diego a sad, self-injurious, tantrumming mess at home. 

Diego has been so sad, which is very unlike him.   Over the weekend he was sobbing, looked at me  and said “I don’t know why I am crying.”

Heartbreak much??

I have read that this happens to some kids while on Tenex, and along with having the depressed-ish mood, Diego has also been more out of it than normal. Rickey and I sat last night, compared notes, and have decided that we are going to email  his neuro to see if it is advisable to cut down the  half tablet he takes in the morning to a quarter or just wait a few weeks until Diego gets into a routine. 

There are just so many variables right now  that it is hard to figure out what is causing which behaviors.

On top of all that is going on, Diego’s father is pulling away.

Yup.

Rather than gathering all of the courage and tenacity needed to help his son, he has decided that it is best to phase himself out. 

The Sunday before last, his father came to get him without a car seat. 

I maintained my composure and asked if he intended to take Diego with out one and he said he was. 

Still maintaining my composure and keeping the “happy voice” I offered him my  car seat.

To which he declined.

Then I offered to take D to his mother’s house for him, so that he would be safe.

To which he declined.

Then he decided to open his stupid mouth and say, right in front of Diego, “just keep him”.

I tried to keep it  light and jovial again offering both of the things listed above and then he said it again.

“Just keep him.”

I looked at him and said that Diego was really looking forward to being with him, but of course that didn’t matter.

Diego may have not picked up on it the first two times but as I removed him from his father’s car, I could see he got it the third time his asshole father said “just keep him”.

Diego looked at me when I put him in the car seat and said “I want to go to grandma’s, you should have brought daddy a car seat”

His hurt was palpable.

I gave him a big hug, and gently told him, “I will take you to grandma’s but it is  NOT my responsibility to bring daddy a car seat, it is your daddy’s responsibility to make sure that you are safe in his car.”

He wasn’t satisfied with this at first and we went around in a similar fashion for a few minutes, but eventually I found a way to validate his dissapointment and make him laugh. 

Once we got there, he was very excited to see his grandma and tia. 

Apparently his father decided to show up later on. 

This past Sunday I just took Diego directly to grandma’s as his father called me 15 minutes before he was supposed to pick  Diego up to tell me he wouldn’t be, because he was working….

Convenient

Diego’s father has no understanding what a last minute change can do to Diego’s temperament, in fact he has made it all too apparent that he doesn’t care to understand. 

I have now mastered the art of being vague when it comes to preparing Diego for Sunday afternoons.  I usually tell him that he is going to grandma’s and either mommy or daddy will take him.

Have I mentioned I can’t stand his father’s ignorant ass?!?!?

Lots of stuff….

Just

So

Much

P.S

We have moved the wedding to Sacramento last-minute. Rickey’s mother is sick and asking her to travel down here is not the right thing to do.  So we are going up there, I am so grateful for the fantastic coordinator at the venue we found up there, but it has been major work!!

Life

Tonight we will be starting Diego on Tenex.  Once at bedtime for a week and then increase to a morning dose as well. 

This is real…

I have a child with autism.

Holy shit.

A year later the wound is still so fresh.

I hope this post doesn’t give the impression that this is the only part of Diego that I see. 

 Because it is not.

I have an amazing child.

I thank God almost everyday, but some days I curse Him.

I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that.

Diego’s autism has made me question God’s existence and ask ‘why’ so many times.  I don’t know where I am with this as I still pray to Him, but it is more so out of habit than true faith. 

Everyday is an emotional rollercoaster, from happiness to despair at any given time.  This is so damn hard and there is no eloquent or pretty way to say that.

It is so f*cking hard

My wonderful sister stayed with both Diego and Lyric for two days, and when I returned  looked at me and said she was glad that Rickey was home in the evening twice in the week to give me a break.  She did such a great job, but my poor sis was worn out. 

My days are consumed with various appointments five times a week, IEP meetings, preparing for IEP meetings, parent teacher conferences, full-time work, my other child, house work, cooking, Rickey, etc… Each one of these things presents their own  challenges and all depend on Diego’s behavior.  I am not super mom…never pretended to be.  Some days I probably don’t even meet the basic mom quota.

I am just surviving, as we all are I guess.

Two steps forward and one step back

Damn it

I have been so overcome with so much that I haven’t been able to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words for days.

But I’m gonna give it a go today. 

Diego has kept me very busy with a myriad of sensory issues and impulsive acts that I thought we had conquered.  Diego has started touching again, not in inappropriate places, but inappropriate all the same.   Of course this is causing problems at school, and nothing we seem to distract him with curbs the behavior.  Kids are shunning him when he does this and it breaks my heart and because of his increased sensory dysfunction and anxiety, his language has also been extremely affected.  An outburst this morning had me ducking to keep from being knocked upside the head by D’s sunglasses while driving him to school this morning.  All because he couldn’t see through them and couldn’t find the words to express that he would like me to clean them.  He also can’t seem to be away from my side…errrr lap for more than 5 minutes and while I love cuddling, I also would like some space.  I’m not exaggerating either, I can’t get any time alone, it is like he is a drug addict and his drug of choice is my lap and ears. 

Maybe it is time to increase his sensory diet at home, another social story, stick harder to his visual schedule that he seemed to be doing so well without???

On top of things I have been sick the past two days which means he can’t be all over me and this hasn’t elicited the best behavior. Rickey has tried as much as he can to stand in, but D wants mommy.  Once I explained at length that mommy has bad germs, my germaphobe laid off a bit.  He now asks me every few minutes if I am better yet. 

So sick as a dog I took D to his neurology appointment yesterday (no way we were missing it as it takes forever to get in).  After giving Dr Trauner the run down of positives and negatives that have been occurring, she said two things that knocked the air out of me:  #1 his diagnosis has officially changed to High Functioning Autism, which would be great if it got D additional services but the regional center refuses to listen to the neurologist  and #2 She want to start him on Tenex for impulse and anxiety control before he starts school. 

Meds….

He is 5…

I don’t know what to do. 

I mean I trust her, Dr Trauner knows what the hell she is talking about.  I work in medicine, have done so for 9 years and I have seen medicine work for so many other medical issues.

But God I am so scared to go this route, I think it also cements the fact that autism isn’t going anywhere and I am having a very hard time with it.

So much for “acceptance”.

Anyway, Tenex is frequently used to treat high blood pressure, but is also used for other things.  Like the issues Diego and kids like him have.  It isn’t a stimulant or a narcotic.  I have read that the side effects are mild, one of which is drowsiness, and hell we could use some help with sleep in our house.

But what if it changes who he is??

No matter what I do, I am concerned that I may make the wrong decision….

On top of this Lyric is going through puberty, which enters an entire new realm of parenting that I am a complete novice at.

*sigh*

I’m doubting myself and I am sad along with so many other emotions.  If anyone reading this has had any experience with Tenex please share it with me.  If you are not comfortable writing it here an email can be sent to sonidoinquieto@gmail.com.

Thanks 🙂

All Things Macabre

Diego has a new interest in all things macabre.  It is still in its infancy(and hopefully stays this way), but death and killing are common themes when conversing with Diego, no matter how many times I try to redirect.  I do not let him watch violent shows, no video games at all, nada.  His play therapist and I have tried to speak with Diego’s dad about what he allows Diego to watch, but of course that falls on deaf ears.  So now that Diego isn’t with his dad as often, his exposure is that much less.  I figured that might curb some of the death talk. 

It hasn’t.

 He never talks about “killing” anybody, just others killing others and death in general. He also talks about being a dead fish, I’m sure he must have heard the phrase somewhere because it has been script in our home for some time.   

As times passes the random statements are becoming  more concerning to me. 

Like yesterday while we were driving he interrupted the silence by saying “mom,the taste of my blood is familiar.”  I looked back right away to make sure that he wasn’t bleeding…he wasn’t.  I asked him if he knew what familiar meant and he said “I’ve tasted it before.”  Then I asked what he meant by it, but he didn’t respond to the question and went on to talk about Whale Sharks. 

(did you know there is a sea animal called a whale shark??  I just learned this from Diego a couple of months ago…who knew?? *shrug*)

Anyway…

That statement really threw me for a loop.

When I told my mom and R about it,  they were less concerned about it being morbid, and were more impressed that he used the word “familiar ” in the proper context. 

I think I am going to speak with his therapist about it….It is so bizarre to hear things like this come from him.  He is a pretty happy kid….it is really bothering me.  I remember reading John Elder Robison’s book “Look Me in the Eye”  and the part where he says something a bit morbid to guests at a  party his family insisted he go to always stands out to me when Diego talks like this. 

*sigh*

Better new is that since Diego’s time with his dad has been reduced he has been falling asleep by 9:30 at the latest!!!! 

Except for the Monday nights after the Sundays he spends with his dad. 

Less anxiety=better sleep?? 

I think so.

I am keeping track of the days and times on a calendar and will present this to the court. 

Next week I am taking Diego to meet with the special education team at the school he will attend next year, and then the following week we will have the transitional IEP meeting….with everything that has been happening I have fallen victim to awful sleep a.k.a A.I.I (anxiety induced insomnia, cleverly put in acronym form by Roc’s mommy 🙂 ) .

Do any of us sleep?? 

From what I have read, I don’t think so.  Maybe A.I.I  just comes with the special needs territory?? 

Problem is I’m so exhausted that a lot of stuff around the house is getting neglected. We won’t even talk about the 3 inch roots that I have sprouted on my head or my eyebrows that are desperately in need of a threading or the toes that remain unpolished.  Well it is only the two last toes on each foot, they don’t show when I wear open toed shoes so why waste my precious energy painting them?!?!…lol…Lyric looked at my toes the other day and thought it was so strange that only half of them were polished…I told him that I just didn’t have the time…his facial expression at my response was priceless… 🙂

Ok I’m going on about toenail polish…

Bye