I have been so overcome with so much that I haven’t been able to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words for days.
But I’m gonna give it a go today.
Diego has kept me very busy with a myriad of sensory issues and impulsive acts that I thought we had conquered. Diego has started touching again, not in inappropriate places, but inappropriate all the same. Of course this is causing problems at school, and nothing we seem to distract him with curbs the behavior. Kids are shunning him when he does this and it breaks my heart and because of his increased sensory dysfunction and anxiety, his language has also been extremely affected. An outburst this morning had me ducking to keep from being knocked upside the head by D’s sunglasses while driving him to school this morning. All because he couldn’t see through them and couldn’t find the words to express that he would like me to clean them. He also can’t seem to be away from my side…errrr lap for more than 5 minutes and while I love cuddling, I also would like some space. I’m not exaggerating either, I can’t get any time alone, it is like he is a drug addict and his drug of choice is my lap and ears.
Maybe it is time to increase his sensory diet at home, another social story, stick harder to his visual schedule that he seemed to be doing so well without???
On top of things I have been sick the past two days which means he can’t be all over me and this hasn’t elicited the best behavior. Rickey has tried as much as he can to stand in, but D wants mommy. Once I explained at length that mommy has bad germs, my germaphobe laid off a bit. He now asks me every few minutes if I am better yet.
So sick as a dog I took D to his neurology appointment yesterday (no way we were missing it as it takes forever to get in). After giving Dr Trauner the run down of positives and negatives that have been occurring, she said two things that knocked the air out of me: #1 his diagnosis has officially changed to High Functioning Autism, which would be great if it got D additional services but the regional center refuses to listen to the neurologist and #2 She want to start him on Tenex for impulse and anxiety control before he starts school.
He is 5…
I don’t know what to do.
I mean I trust her, Dr Trauner knows what the hell she is talking about. I work in medicine, have done so for 9 years and I have seen medicine work for so many other medical issues.
But God I am so scared to go this route, I think it also cements the fact that autism isn’t going anywhere and I am having a very hard time with it.
So much for “acceptance”.
Anyway, Tenex is frequently used to treat high blood pressure, but is also used for other things. Like the issues Diego and kids like him have. It isn’t a stimulant or a narcotic. I have read that the side effects are mild, one of which is drowsiness, and hell we could use some help with sleep in our house.
But what if it changes who he is??
No matter what I do, I am concerned that I may make the wrong decision….
On top of this Lyric is going through puberty, which enters an entire new realm of parenting that I am a complete novice at.
I’m doubting myself and I am sad along with so many other emotions. If anyone reading this has had any experience with Tenex please share it with me. If you are not comfortable writing it here an email can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.