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Please Read Line #4

 

The kids in D's class were asked what they would do with 100 things. This is a snapshot of D's list

We are in the lobby waiting for our OT and three boys about D’s age are playing with the waiting room toys.  I watch Diego watch them, I know he wants to play with them.  I whisper to him “baby go ask them if you can play with them.” 

He starts to rubs my ears, he is nervous. 

“Baby it is ok, go on.”

I long to hear him say this to any child, but just like all of the other times he looks at me and says “I can’t.” 

He is past nervous now, he is paralyzed with fear at the prospect of approaching these kids.   

His anxiety is palpable. 

I am trying to think of ways to facilitate this interaction. I offer to walk with him over, he says no. 

He crawls in my lap, pulls my head to his face and whispers

“I’m scared.”

My heart is broken for the umpteenth time.

You can say a lot about our kids, but please don’t tell us that they are not interested in having friends.  As line #4 states if Diego had 100 friends, he would play with them.  

Our kids WANT to be social.

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About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

12 responses »

  1. I am sad too, for you and for Diego. I am sending hugs, encouragement, and the assurance that you are not alone. Together we will figure this out. Together we are strong, and brave, and will prevail to help our children! (((HUG)))

    Reply
  2. Oh oh oh oh!

    I know this! And I fear I will know it even moreso.

    But yes yes yes: our babies want friends.

    Reply
  3. Hey Shivon…it’s been a long time…but this post reminded me of how similar our little men are. We had nearly the same experience in the lobby of our OT a month or so ago. Colin wanted to badly to play with a little girl who had the train set going. When I encouraged him to go talk to her he said “My feet can’t move.” HUGS!!!

    Reply
  4. He really is making progress, but I know how this must have hurt your heart, so sorry!

    Reply
  5. oh, sweet boy. the desire is there and that is huge. i think the idea of playing alongside other kids is a great idea. i’m praying that diego will be blessed with wonderful, meaningful friendships.

    Reply
  6. Funny, we haven’t had this experience with Jack, but I’ve seen it with typical kids, too, who are shy. Don’t hit me, I know there’s a HUGE difference between shy and our kids. But, what worked with the typical kids? Instead of asking them to approach – way to hard – what happens if we start playing with our child NEAR the other kids and slowly integrate in the group by our facilitation? You know what I mean?

    Reply
  7. We see that too. Our OT & speech therapist have taught my girls to stand back and observe what the other children are doing, then just sit along side and mimic the play, rather than ask ‘can I play with you’. The therapists were saying that asking to play makes it easier for the other kids to say no.

    I’m still not sure if it will work as it requires a lot of observation on my girls part.

    All very challenging.

    Reply
  8. This makes me a little sad too 😦

    I hope he can work through his anxiety quickly.
    He has an awesome Mom to help him 🙂

    Reply
  9. I love him and my heart breaks too. I just want to hug him. It will change i just know in my heart someday he will go to a bunch of kids and say hey want to play!!!

    Reply
  10. Aw, this makes me sad. I mean, the fear makes me sad. I see my Nik struggle, too. He may not KNOW how to play, but he WANTS to. He approaches ANYONE with an eager smile and wants them to clap hands with him…but they don’t know bc he can’t tell them. So many people forget that nonverbal isn’t the only communication challenge our kiddos may have.

    Here’s hoping Diego finds his courage soon. Hugs, mama. xo

    Reply

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