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Do The Best You Can and Never Stop

Diego’s first day at the “Big School” is Monday. I have spent the months since our IEP meeting preparing him for Monday and have been in constant contact with our team from the school.
Last week we visited the school numerous times, and I can’t even begin to express how much everyone at that school is invested in Diego’s success.
So why can’t I get this knot out of my stomach??
I have come to expect these knots as the parent of a child with autism.
They….Just….Don’t….Go….Away..
His teacher this year is amazing and his private school teacher ended up getting hired at the “big School” and she has been such an amazing resource for everybody there. I have even prepared for Diego to have a 1:1 aide for the after school program if he needs it.
But I still feel like I am missing something, although I know I am not.
My ‘I’s are dotted and my ‘T’s are crossed.
My blog has been severely neglected and I miss it so much.
Things at home have taken precedence over everything, and it isn’t just D.
Lyric is a tween almost teen and is acting every bit of it, not to mention his absent father of ten years has come back in his life. Which in the long run is great, but makes everything so much more complicated. As Lyric’s mom I am doing everything I can to facilitate this relationship, no matter how hard it is for me.
He wants this and deserves it.
I did find out a couple of days ago that Lyric scored advanced on all of his standardized testing, which made me feel great.
Like I am achieving the balance of being his and D’s mom.
I love them both so very much
Diego’s father and I have been civil, which is amazing considering how bad things have been in the past between us. But he is still heavily in denial about D’s autism. He noticed D can’t ride a scooter and decided that it was my fault, because I don’t take him to the park enough
*sigh*
When I attempted to explain that the scooter issue was more due to his gross motor delay than a lack of park outings, he told me that there is nothing wrong with Diego. I told him that I agree that there is nothing “wrong” with our son, but that he does a have autism and that includes different kinds of delays. He disagreed with that as well.
So instead of attempting to convince him otherwise I just listened, thanked him for his opinion, and politely explained that I will keep listening to the experts with extensive knowledge about autism (which include myself).
Diego started ABA in July and I already see tiny signs of progress, we also switched meds and I believe that is helping as well. He has been having some issues with his eyes though and I am taking him to the opthamologist in a week. I hope it is just his allergies and nothing else.
My husband is grieving and it is a deep grief that seems to changing the core of who he is. I wish I could write about the implications of it all here, but he doesn’t do public and if he gets wind that i did, it will just make a very difficult situation so much worse.
So I won’t.
To say my plate is full wouldn’t even cover the magnitude of the things I am facing.
I don’t have much support right now, which makes everything just seem so much harder. The needs and wants of those close to me currently trump my own, and that is ok for my boys, but not the others.
Too bad they haven’t gotten that memo.
But I haven’t set any boundaries either…..it is hard to do that with people you love.
I did take a break for myself and went with a group of friends to Vegas for a weekend. It was interesting, as the last time Iwas in Vegas was ten years ago, but it really isn’t my bag. My sister kept both of the boys and I was so grateful because she is one of the few people I can leave them with and not have to worry for a second. She is amazing and I am blessed to have her.
I have started seeing a therapist, it has been a long time coming.
I will be 31 in a week or so and have promised myself that I will finish my nursing degree, even if I am an old lady when I finally finish.
I need to do it for myself.
I also think I need to make blogging more important than it has been.
It is my way of getting all of this out.
Expect a post about the first day of school soon and good luck to everyone on their first day back as well!

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About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

One response »

  1. Well I hope you get to blog more because I keep checking back to see what you have written! I love you Shivmo ❤

    Reply

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