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Last night everything was back to normal, well as normal as things have been these days. 

I was sitting on the couch, reading the program from our nephew’s funeral, unfortunately I couldn’t attend and was seeking some sort of connection.  Everything around me faded into the background as I looked at the picture of Johnathan’s beautiful 18-year-old face, the beautiful face that was shot twice.  As type this I still can’t believe it has happened.  Diego brought me out of my trance by asking me “why my eyes were sweating.”

The following exchange ensued.

Me: ” Well Diego mommy is crying because she is sad.”

D: “Why are you sad mommy?”

(Did you all catch the WH question??  Ok I thought so 🙂 )

Me:  “D mommy is sad because our nephew passed away”

D: ” Passed away??”

Me: ” He died baby” *crying again*

D: ” How??”

It was obviously not appropriate to break down how Johnathan was shot dead in front of his grandmother’s house.  I was scrambling, but finally came up with…

Me:  “D he was hurt very bad, but he is ok now, he is in heaven with God smiling down on us.”

I’m not even sure how much I believe that statement as my faith continues to take a nose dive, but I wanted to reassure D.

D: “Oh…Mommy I am a little bit sad too.”

Me: ” Why honey?”

D: ” Because you are sad.”

Diego was empathetic, not only was he empathetic but he asked questions and held the topic of conversation (a very emotional conversation).

We have had bursts of progress, but nothing this major. 

I looked at Rickey and mouthed “did you hear that?!”  he just smiled and nodded.  I explained to Diego that it was normal to feel sad when someone was sad and then he was off to tackle his brother

We NEEDED this so bad. 

Japan, Libya, 2,000 laid of district employees (880 of them teachers), cuts to the regional centers, gas prices through the roof, our nephew’s murder, Rickey’s mother (one of the most amazing people I know) is slowly entering the final stage of her life.

It is all so damn heavy.

But in the midst of all of that, there was hope last night.

I am thankful for that.

On a different note the NFAR Race For Autism is this Saturday and if you feel inclined to do so please donate to the cause.  The link is below 🙂

Go Diego Go

About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

8 responses »

  1. So sorry for the loss of your nephew, friend. And your sweet Diego… i think sometimes God lets us know that He sees us – our sorrow and tears – just when we need it. And He does through our children. There’s a song I love (called “It Might Be Hope”) that says “hope has a way of turning its face to you just when you least expect it.”

  2. Hang in there hon, and know there’s a ton more empathy out there for you (how ABOUT that boy!).

  3. oh, honey .. tears. both for the progress and the weight. holding you close, hermana. love.

  4. Oh Shivon, Your heartfelt writing always moves me.
    I cried as I read this and what you’ve all had to endure of late. I’m also sorry for your loss.

    I’m so amazed though that you were able to focus on Diego’s achievements even in the heart of grief and trauma.

    THIS is indicitive of what an awesome Mom you are.

  5. A huge milestone in the midst of such sadness and heartache. I’m so sorry for your loss and this must be such a hard time for your family. Diego is so clued into you, and I’m glad he chose this moment to comfort you. Go Diego Go.

  6. therocchronicles

    I am so incredibly sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew. It seems you’ve had a lot going on lately. So glad there are some positives for you during this tough time, and D showing his emerging empathy skills is definitely a positive! Hope is what keeps us going. Hugs to you.

  7. What a tough time for your family, so sorry for your loss. How amazing Diego is, that he’s understanding your emotions. How wonderful that in your time of sorrow, Diego has reached a milestone. Hope on to hope – it’s all we have sometimes.


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