Remember that movie “Groundhog Day” starring Bill Murray?
I was up late one night over the weekend and I came to the conclusion that my life goes on cyclically…..
Like Bill in Groundhog Day.
This is going somewhere.
I go on about the things that happen in my life as if they were the norm. I drive D to various appointments all week, make and use visual schedules, implement sensory diet while trying to keep it interesting (read The Out of Sync Child), practice Diego’s fine and gross motor exercises with him , prompting, social skills practice, you name it we are doing it at some point…these things along with all other things that encompass mom, wife, and employee are the norm for me.
Sure it is a lot, but it is just how we get down in our house 🙂
It is typical for me to play phone/ email tag with at least 2 member of D’s team weekly.
Typical to spend many nights….awake….thinking…..worrying…..crying.
Typical to be stretched very thin and still feel like I haven’t done enough.
Like there is always something more.
Something I could do better.
Anyway these days pass almost effortlessly for my family (and I’m assuming most of you that are reading this) as we have worked out a rhythm with our nutso schedule.
every so often?
It dawns on me that the way we live isnt typical or very easy for that matter.
Other families have traded our therapies therapy for sports or dance classes, can spontaneously take their child anywhere without thinking about how it sounds, looks, or smells before even really fully entertaining the idea, or may overlook the little things like “please’ and ‘thank you’ coming out of a 6 year old’s mouth.
I mean why should that be significant to the parent of a typical six year-old child?
I didn’t think anything of it when Lyric spontaneously used his manners at 2.
It was the way it should be.
The way things should be??
Silly naive girl..
Fast forward to today, we are going on 6 and still not getting a ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ unless he is prompted….many times.
I don’t write this with any animosity toward the parents of typical children, so I hope that it doesn’t come off that way.
But I would be a big fat liar if I didn’t blog about the reality of my life and of parents that are in the same boat as I am.
My child has autism.
We are the 1-110 statistic.
When this dose of reality hits me, I am taken right back to the first day I really knew that D had autism and then I experience every single thing I felt that day all over again.
the suffocating fear
have to be dealt with all over again.
Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, I try to meet these difficult days with a different approach each time, hoping that I have finally found a way not to let the realization of our autism diagnosis ruin me (as it threatens to do each time this happens).
As time passes some things are so much easier and I see how far our family has come.
But I just can’t seem to get out of this cycle.
I can’t stop experiencing my own ‘special’ type of groundhog day
I wonder if it will stop?
Am I still in some sort of denial about D’s autism diagnosis?
I have spent so much time this past year, trying to get people to listen to me, to help me help Diego, that I don’t think that I have taken a lot of time to entirely process it all within myself.
Maybe it is really too much for any of us to process at one time…maybe someone bigger than me knows that I need these lapses of full reality.
I am sorry if this sounds bleak, depressing, or anything along those lines, but I remember a year ago that I promised myself that I would be candid and true to myself while writing this blog.
So that is what I’m doing 🙂