Not typical loneliness…
A special kind of loneliness that I think is reserved for parents like me….us
No matter what I try, it won’t go away.
I really feel like nobody here, physically, in my life gets ‘it’.
I am so grateful for that.
But at the end of the day.
It is me.
Diego’s dad isn’t helping.
With a statement last Sunday of:
“if I don’t see him more, I won’t see him at all”
he has solidified for me that he will never accept his son’s special needs.
Rickey is wonderful, seriously….but we think and process things so differently.
Sometimes I wonder if Diego was his flesh and blood, that his reaction to things would be different.
He says no.
I’m not so sure.
He is also gonna be pissed that I mentioned this in the blog, but oh well….he barely reads it anyway.
Diego’s MRI came back…..
Our Neuro is out of town and if I rely on the radiology report alone, D has two lesions on his brain.
Once the neuro gets back, she will look at it and tell me if it is nothing big to worry about like Virchow Robins Spaces (which may only increase risk for seizures when dilated) or if we are looking at something bigger.
This consumes MY days and nights.
I’m tired and worn out.
So over the happy face facade I have been rolling with,
Trying to stay on top of everything (unsuccessfully) leaves me so damn tired.
Does any of this ever get easier?!
I am strong I know.
But even the strongest man needs to rest.