Most days I curse my job.
Most days I dread walking through the hospital doors.
But honestly with my reduced work schedule, I realized that I kinda miss working. Maybe not all of the stress, but I sure do miss immersing myself in the daily operations of my job. I have been working since I was 15 years-old and my work is one of the things that has defined me as a person.
About a year ago D’s challenges took a front seat and my career took a backseat. I’m currently stuck in a specialty that is less than favorable and I can’t take the risk of interrupting my insurance by switching. Although for my sanity I NEED to go back to pediatrics, but between the insurance issue and finding an employer understanding enough to work with D’s therapy schedule (regardless of the law) I am just going to have to stay where I am.
My job now isn’t horrible, I have a great boss and that is a blessing all by itself, especially since I can’t always be the right hand she needs in clinic. I knock out most of my work in office and the a.m hours when I can’t sleep, but my job requires for me to be here physically all day and I’m not.
I like to do things 100% not at 90%….I take pride in my work….it’s my tragic Type A personality. So now along with my music and poetry, it seems my career is on the back-burner too.
This makes me quite sad….maybe this is part of the mourning process aswell.
Honestly I feel like a selfish brat just writing about this, but I can’t be the only parent of a special needs child that feels this way….right??
I just want things back the way they used to be.
This is another reason I get so frustrated when certain “experts” choose to express their flawed opinions….like I would choose for my little monster to have these challenges! Challenges that have not only completely altered his life but mine as well!!