I used to be a poet/spoken word artist and singer
But about two years ago, it became quite obvious that Diego needed me home more than I was. His tantrums were escalating in a major way and his speech was almost non-existant. So I made the decision to cut out everything extra until I could get Diego where he needed to be. Then Aspergers hit us like a bus and my hopes and my dreams of being a performer and saving the world were put on the back burner indefinitely.
My reading choices went from books about injustice to people of color and women, to everything Asperger’s.
There has been no balance.
I am not bitter about this, I am grateful that I was home more to notice that all that was going on with Diego was way bigger than a speech delay and behavior issues.
A mother’s instinct is no joke
My writing has all but ceased and I think that memorizing anything would zap whatever free brain cells I have left, but every so often a special occasion presents itself and I get to be a performer again.
About a month ago a friend asked me to take part in a conference he was putting together. My initial reaction was that there was no way that I could do that, you know…because…everything is so…much.
But after some thought, I agreed to do it.
A week ago he asked me to email him a short bio.
I hate writing about myself, pile that on top of the fact that I have been pretty absent from the poetry scene for two years, and that I havent had a free moment to do the things I used to do in the community and you have an impossible paragraph to write. Doing the best I could I wrote the bio and sent it to him tonight, with the instruction to edit as he pleased :).
My life is entirely different than it was two years ago. While I am still outraged and saddened by international suffering, misogyny and injustice, every ounce of energy I have is now devoted to caring for my two children and nurturing my relationship with my future husband.
Caring for Diego is a full-time job on top of my day-time full-time job. I am currently in the middle of reading three different books pertaining to modifying Diego’s behavior and teaching him social skills. On an average night we do his sensory diet every hour, language exercises, fine and visual motor tasks, Lyric’s homework, and the usual things moms do (see cooking, cleaning etc…)
So finding time to create and memorize a poemhas been interesting, but it is working itself out and as I prepare for this event I am reminded of who I was two years ago. I miss her a bit and I am looking forward to being her for a day.
In fact I think I will try to visit her more frequently than I have been.
Nothing beats what I do now.
Diego is finally able to cut a circle.
He couldn’t do that 6 months ago