“It is helpful to distinguish between accepting that your child has been diagnosed with autism and accepting autism. Accepting the diagnosis simply means that you are ready to advocate for your child.”
I don’t feel like I will ever “accept autism”. Autism (the disorder itself) in human form is someone I despise, someone I don’t ever want in my life. So excuse me if I currently want to smack whomever wrote the quote above upside their head. I wonder if that person had their hopes and dreams for their child taken away by Autism, or if it is some psychologist throwing their book knowledge at the rest of us shell-shocked parents??
In case you can’t tell, today, bitterness reigns above all other emotions. Between the crying and worrying I get bitter and angry, ready to scream in pure Diego tantrum form”I DON’T WANT THIS!!” at any given time. I think that I have done an impressive job keeping it all together throughout the day. I have noticed that it takes every bit of energy I have. Not sleeping + fighting to keep it together= exhausted. Rickey was home from work early last night and I was out by 6:30pm, which meant I was wide awake at 12am. I fell back to sleep around 1230am, but was restless the rest of the night.
Diego and I had quite an interesting conversation about the octopus this morning. After Diego ran down all of the octopus specs, I looked at him and said:
Me: “Diego imagine if you had 8 legs!!!”
*Diego stops fidgeting with the octopus and gives me a blank look*
Me: (with all of the enthusiasm in the world)”I mean don’t you think that would be so cool?!?”
*My dumb self isn’t fully awake and therefore not considering that no, he could not imagine*
Diego: “Mom, I DO NOT have eight legs, I only have 2. See 1-2 (pointing to his legs) and I don’t eat by them….my mouth is up heeere!!!”