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Small Victories

I have made it so far, I thought that I was on the brink of having a complete emotional break down the other day, but I got through. 

I didn’t just get through…..I worked it out!

lol

Monday evening I got a lot of Diego’s sensory stuff that I ordered.  As I was opening the boxes and looking at the books, the self-calming cards, the thera-putty, and the scooter board I started crying.  Rickey looked at me and asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I was just tired.  He then replied with “tired doesn’t make you cry” and pulled me over to where he was. 

Mr. “I Don’t Do Emotions”  held me for a very long time, didn’t judge anything that I said and assured me that things were going to get better. 

Umm this is amazing. 

Like I said in the last post Rickey is wonderful but seems to get annoyed when I get emotional, Monday night he must have seen that I really needed him and he delivered 🙂 .   

Yesterday was the family court mediation. 

I hate family court, but Diego’s dad had ignored my begging and pleading for him to get on board for so long that I had to take this step to be sure that Diego was getting the home treatment and structure that he needs.  Recently his father had seemed to be coming around but wasn’t consistent. 

After two hours of mediation with a complete stranger, I think the light went off in his head.  I really think he got it.  So the time Diego spends with the both of us won’t change as long as his father comes to the weekly therapy appts with Juan, implements the sensory diet and everything else that we do here at home along with whatever else the doctors recommend and I have sole legal custody.  We will address the support issues in court at the end of March.  I was so nervous about this mediation because I was so exhausted and emotionally raw.  I was scared that I would come off as an irrational and controlling mother. 

 But nope.  

I did not.  I was calm, clear, and extremely in control of every single emotion I was having and expressing.  The mediator said that it was quite clear that I didn’t want to take Diego away from his father and that I just needed his father to come to grips with Diego’s special needs, for Diego.  She also told Diego’s father that he was extremely fortunate that I was willing to go above and beyond to make sure that he knew everything that he needed to and to arrange the psych appointments on Saturdays when he could actually make it.  My response to this is that it is all for Diego, and I am willing to do anything to make sure my son gets everything that he needs. 

I am going to stay hopeful and will continue to pray the Diego’s father does all he needs to.

Once I got home the fatigue of the day had set in.  My headache turned into a migraine.  So I had a glass of wine and was knocked out by 7pm.  Rickey took care of the boys and let me rest. 

I thank God for him everyday.

We are leaving for the Bay Area tonight to visit Rickey’s side of the family for 5 days.  The boys aren’t coming with us and I teeter on feeling absolutely horrible for taking the time away and wanting to scream “hallelujah” from the mountain tops for the break. 

Guilt is major.

When we go visit our family in the Bay Area, I get to do nothing but relax and eat. 

No cooking.

No cleaning.

Nada

Fantastic right??

Nope…

The guilt monster hides around every corner and pounces on me randomly.

Bastard.

But I know that Rickey and I need this time to re-charge our relationship and I need this time away so that I don’t have a nervous breakdown.  Diego will be with his Tia and Lyric will be with my mom.  They will be in capable hands and I have to find some peace in that.

I have to.

On another note, the books I ordered are fantastic!!

They are listed below with my mini review on each 🙂

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About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

4 responses »

  1. Awesome to get to know you and your family better. Hope that you are having a wonderful, relaxing, guilt-free time. You definitely deserve it!

    Reply
  2. I’m glad the mediation worked out and that you and Rickey will be getting away for some quality time.

    Reply
  3. I’m glad your mediation went so well. It sounds like things are going to work out and that will be one less thing for you to worry about. Regarding the guilt, think of it this way: As much as you are doing this for your relationship and your sanity, you are also doing it for BOTH of your kids. You cannot be the best mom you can be and face the battles you have to fight on Diego’s behalf if you are stressed and ready for a nervous breakdown.Taking time to rejuvenate yourself is an investment in your children, as much as in yourself. That’s nothing to feel guilty about.

    Reply
  4. Wow, it sounds like it’s been kind of a roller coaster of a week from an emotional standpoint. So glad the mediation went well AND that they were able to drive home to Diego’s dad just how important this is.

    Ricky…may not do emotions but it sounds like he does love really well. 🙂 So glad you will get a chance to get away together. I know what you mean about the guilt lurking around every corner; try not to let it get the better of you, though. 🙂

    Reply

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