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Ears and a Broken Heart

 

I dropped Diego off at pre-school this morning, and as one of his classmates walked in, Diego couldn’t help himself and went for his ear.   It’s not a hard ear grab, just a soft touch that Diego enjoys immensely.   The child firmly said “no Diego”  and Diego quickly ran to the table by himself.  He knows he shouldn’t touch and he just can’t help it :(.  I was heart-broken watching this occur. 

I AM heart-broken now typing this and I’m attempting to keep it together here at work when all I want to do is get Diego and go home where he is safe from judgement. 

I can’t get another 4 year-old to understand Diego’s compulsions and I’m sure it is annoying to the other child. 

I’m just so sad. 

It must seem silly that I am so sad about this, but I am connected to my baby and I felt all the embarrassment, rejection and frustration he was feeling. 

It is horrible.

The prospect of kindergarten is becoming much more real, our assessment date is creeping up, and I am terrified. 

Paralyzed from fear.

How the hell am I gonna keep this up without having a break down?? 

Am I going to be able to advocate good enough to get him Diego what he needs??

On another note I believe that had it been recorded Diego would have set a world record for saying “mommy” in a three hour time period last night.  He said it so much that Lyric offered to take him to play football in the back room to “take him off of my hands for a little while”.

Rickey’s observation is that if I did less for Diego, that he wouldn’t ask for me so much. 

Umm I doubt i.t

Diego tells me each time he has to use the restroom and that has nothing to do with me.

*sigh*

my little concrete thinker carried this over from his potty training days when I would tell him to “tell mommy when you have to go potty”

He wants me to know every detail of everything

Anyway, later that evening Lyric was practicing skateboard tricks in the back room and called me back to see something

Me: “wow Lyric you can do that?!?!?”

Lyric: “of course mom…..I go hard!”

***for real?!?!? u go hard?!?  Bwahahahaha***

I had to walk away because I couldn’t hold in the amusement of the super swagger that only a young man of about 11 years-old could show…and he would have been offended if he knew that I thought it was so cute.

It was very cute

It was classic.

I love my kids

This is what keeps me going

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About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

4 responses »

  1. You work so hard to constantly turn your teardrops into rainbows 🙂

    Even if D stays that rigid, I think as he gets older he’ll find other super-practical kids to hang out with. I have a cousin who, at the age of 16 would take ahold of my ear and suck her thumb. We’d look at her like…umm, you’re a bit old to be sucking on your thumb…and then we’d be like..why are you touching my ear. Her response was always a shrug of her shoulders, “I’ve just always done it. Ask my mom.” Because she shrugged it off like it was normal, I took it as normal. So whenever I felt someone’s fingers on my ear, I’d shrug my shoulders…”That’s the way she is.” No one could tell us different.

    Reply
  2. I feel your pain regarding Diego’s interaction with peers. And I feel you love and joy over your two boys.

    Reply
  3. The sweet moments are the ones that keep us going! Did Diego feel sad/remorseful when he was told no? My 4 year old autistic son, Oliver, doesn’t feel any remorse at the time. He says sorry nonchalantly afterwards. He has impulse control issues and cannot help it either. It IS so difficult to watch.

    Reply
    • Diego knows that it was wrong after/and probably during, but Remorse?? I don’t think so, he just blurts out “sorry” and doesn’t want to discuss it.

      Reply

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