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Today L was recognized, along with other top academic performers from our district, on the field at the SDSU vs TCU game today.  I am so proud of my 10-year-old son, he is so smart, so sweet and pretty thoughtful for a tween.  L has never had a problem making friends or charming adults, has consistently breezed through school and I can’t wait to see the magnificent things that the future holds for him.

While I was sitting in the stands watching L high five the football players and chat with the kids around him, I started tearing up, UGH of course right?!?!  In the midst of my admiration for my oldest son, I couldn’t help but be sad to think about my little one. 

D is the polar opposite of L and has been since birth.  D is very smart, but has a problem articulating thoughts and staying focused long enough to apply the great skills that he has.  D has a hard time making and keeping friends, and he is a charmer for adults in his own rambunctious slightly over aggressive way.  His hugs literally knock you over :). But it turns some folks, adults and kids alike, off.  D just has a longer road ahead. This is reality.  My mother and L had an instant connection that has just grown over time. Her connection with D isn’t the same.  I know she loves him but the fact that he isn’t cuddly and lovey is a bit of an issue.  While D has definitely grown into hugging in his young 4 years of age,they are D hugs (quick and hard)…not L hugs (mush 🙂 )…I personally can’t get enough of either.  Anyway I think that once D was diagnosed with Asperger’s and she had a good understanding of  it, that she felt a little better. I believe that for a little while grandma didn’t think D loved her as much as L did. He does, it is just different.  In his brain Nana’s House =marshmallows…so marshmallows= Nana and to him this is love.   L is a bit more traditional in his expressions of love. 

We are all still working out our full acceptance of this “different.”   But to be very honest I wish she would move faster.  I just try not to rush things and am comforted by the fact that she is trying.

 Oh yeah…so back to me crying at Qualcomm Stadium, random right??  I have come to expect this and carry sunglasses everywhere I go nowadays.  The full weight of this hits me at the most random times.  It takes a minute for me to get it together, wipe my eyes, and go on with whatever I am doing.  But that feeling NEVER leaves me. When I say “the full weight” I mean weight in the most literal sense as it is so heavy. 

I just want D to experience all life has to offer for him! I want people to understand him.  I don’t want him to be judged or teased or bullied.  I guess I just want what every parent wants for their child.  I am sure I am not the only mom that is absolutely sick with the thought that I can’t always protect my baby from hurt and disappointment.  But the difference from most parents and myself is that their kids can tell them, articulate their feelings, and have the common sense not to fall for or do things that are sure to bring negative attention.  

I couldn’t pick a better big brother for D, L loves D unconditionally and even when his little brother is annoying the hell out of him, he does his best to nicely ask him to get lost :).  Of course to D, “Brother” as D refers to him, is the sun, the moon and stars.  Watching their relationship fills me with joy.   I am so blessed that D has his big brother to help guide him through. 

Back to our day….

Our day finished with L being on TV and a trip to the skateshop to buy L his very first skate deck.  He was so happy :).  Mike at The Overload Skateshop was fantastic and I’m sure he will be seeing plenty of L, and maybe D one day 🙂


About sonidoinquieto

I hate writing bios *bio pending*

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